I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
