You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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