wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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