I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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