You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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