Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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