Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
