Already got asked if we're dating
The maid of honor just puked.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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