The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
