There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
