I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
