Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think i have two assholes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
