you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
