Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
