Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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