if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
