life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
