Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
