Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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