Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
