hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
