New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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