So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
