I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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