i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
