I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
