If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
