Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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