your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
