Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
