Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
