What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
