Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
