I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dick very happy bro
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
