I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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