Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
