maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
