Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I still have a little drunk in my system
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
