I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
