i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
