I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
