Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
