i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
