So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize