i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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