I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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