i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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