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I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
