Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
