I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
