i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How does it feel to date your dad?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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