The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
