I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
