The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
