ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
