"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
