you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
