is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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