Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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