So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
