So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
