just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
