you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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