what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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