he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
